American Dream

I am sure reading this some of my friends will get pissed on me and some proud:-)
ya my friends I got laid.
american dream in every desi's eyes when they reach the soil of amrica..
although I must say I didn't have that dream...
(liar)
but then things happened, and one thing followed another and now I am 'not single'.
damn.
why??
when you are single you feel you need to have a Girlfriend and when you have one, I don't know about other but I am bored already....
so many questions...
why didn't you call me, do you love me, you won't leave me....
man!!
rex is right, dating and loving are two disjoint sets.
problem is love.
but whatever.
it can be fun too.
but this is not actually about me getting laid.
maybe sometime later I shall post the other part.
its something else.
but let it be... for now.

haan BTW woh desi hain, lol:-)

Tryin' to get to heaven before they close the doors..

Well most of my friends know that I die for Queen and Bob Dylan.
and well not many to deny the fact that they Freddy and Dylan both are among the best lyricist of all times.
many times we just fall for a person are any thing when it most appeals to us.
Both of these guys were more or less Devdas and it is so much evident in their music, or put it this way their lyric.
Take for example, If you see her say hello by dylan or Find me somebody to love by Freddy, both share the same emotion, of being lost in love and then what?
Empty spaces what are we living for, abandoned places I guess we know the score......
Love.
in contrast songs like Idiot Wind or Bohemian Rhapsody, or I want to break free underline the anger by these guys towards the one they loved but still anger as emotion has been expressed.
both of these men, were burnt and broken by the woman they loved.
and left for what?
loved and then left to die....
what the hell is muffi talking abt?
and why?
is it any kind of pseudo analysis?
or his own dukh bbhari kahani?
lol.
those people who have seen me goind gagas in the pubs when their songs were played, would know!!
well one can say I am also trying' to get to heaven before they close the doors.......
but then when two sould meet, and when they come together in such a way (personified by the song 'Waqt ne kiya kya haseen sitam' in the movie Kagaz ke Phool directed by another devdas Guru Dutt) where in he shows how to people come so close that their souls become one maybe their bodies are separated.
would you know my name if I saw you in heaven, would feel the same if I saw you in heaven ( though the wrong song, but the context remains the same) also has similar emotions, abt the love between a father and its child.
between two human beings after all.
hey muffi cut the senti shit......
lol.
I know.
f*** who wants to live forever anyways.

Livin' a new life

so here I am now.
in a new country among new people.
living alone.
living lonely..
one chapter of my life over and another begins completely 'Afresh'.

but the memories still linger on.
sometimes I wonder, is this all really worth it?
and if this is not then is the other life worth enough???

things have changed.
for every man has to fight his own battle(s), and so my battle has begun.

the girls are hot here.
the country man is in itself hot here.
but then everything is a farce here.
its a big pretension, a big lie.
any person can see thru that hole.

but then I become a liar too.
but then I become pretentious too.
but then I am also on the other side of the hole too.


Here I am posting the lyric of 'Idiot Wind' By Bob Dylan.

Someone's got it in for me, they're planting stories in the press Whoever it is I wish they'd cut it out but when they will I can only guess. They say I shot a man named Gray and took his wife to Italy, She inherited a million bucks and when she died it came to me. I can't help it if I'm lucky. People see me all the time and they just can't remember how to act Their minds are filled with big ideas, images and distorted facts. Even you, yesterday you had to ask me where it was at, I couldn't believe after all these years, you didn't know me better than that Sweet lady. Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth, Blowing down the backroads headin' south. Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth, You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe. I ran into the fortune-teller, who said beware of lightning that might strike I haven't known peace and quiet for so long I can't remember what it's like. There's a lone soldier on the cross, smoke pourin' out of a boxcar door, You didn't know it, you didn't think it could be done, in the final end he won the wars After losin' every battle. I woke up on the roadside, daydreamin' 'bout the way things sometimes are Visions of your chestnut mare shoot through my head and are makin' me see stars. You hurt the ones that I love best and cover up the truth with lies. One day you'll be in the ditch, flies buzzin' around your eyes, Blood on your saddle. Idiot wind, blowing through the flowers on your tomb, Blowing through the curtains in your room. Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth, You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe. It was gravity which pulled us down and destiny which broke us apart You tamed the lion in my cage but it just wasn't enough to change my heart. Now everything's a little upside down, as a matter of fact the wheels have stopped, What's good is bad, what's bad is good, you'll find out when you reach the top You're on the bottom. I noticed at the ceremony, your corrupt ways had finally made you blind I can't remember your face anymore, your mouth has changed, your eyes don't look into mine. The priest wore black on the seventh day and sat stone-faced while the building burned. I waited for you on the running boards, near the cypress trees, while the springtime turned Slowly into autumn. Idiot wind, blowing like a circle around my skull, From the Grand Coulee Dam to the Capitol. Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth, You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe. I can't feel you anymore, I can't even touch the books you've read Every time I crawl past your door, I been wishin' I was somebody else instead. Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstasy, I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory And all your ragin' glory. I been double-crossed now for the very last time and now I'm finally free, I kissed goodbye the howling beast on the borderline which separated you from me. You'll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above, And I'll never know the same about you, your holiness or your kind of love, And it makes me feel so sorry. Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats, Blowing through the letters that we wrote. Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves, We're idiots, babe. It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves.

I am A IDIOT........

A Friend.

Yesterday I got the news.
a news which has not yet sunk in.
we all lost 'A Friend'.
The first time I met my friend, at cafe Mondegar, a.k.a Mondy's I was so high that I spilled
beer all over him:-)
and the last time I met him, I said "yaar, next time when I will meet you, you will be married".....
why I say last time I was meeting him, as I was leaving the country to get more "educated" abroad and so I thought it will be a long time before I will meet the gang again.

But I didn't know at that time.....


I remember that night in Tavern, when we all were there and he came and said that he is quitting smoking, saying that he put a full pack of Benson Lights on the table saying "yaar from hards to lights, its a beginning" and till that time below his office I was with him last he had his Benson lights, (dude never gave up anyways, lol)

and those days when I and Van (complete lukkhas) would meet at CCD's waiting for everybody and then he would come in his car, always late than ever before:-)

and so many other things..........

Nostalgia, is a disease.

God Bless.

Drinks.

well guys, sitting in front of my computer screen and its raining outside my window and damn need a cigarette bad. but then kya kare what excuse should I give mom and popa, lol.
but whatever.
drinking brings a dark side of me.
some people become silent, some laugh, some cry but I behave in a very stupid.
as somebody said 'Rowdy':-)
This women she drove me to drink, so stupid of me I didn't even turn back and say - 'Thank You'!!!
and so I drank again last night.
DSP and water is a lethal combo, with ice and ciggs.
drank alone, as drinking alone I can clear my brain and stop thinking, albeit for some time.
met few freinds, and (I am getting worse), actually went alone to Nariman point with 3 benson lights.
was stoned actually, and the wind was blowing in my face and I was feeling drunk even more.
smoked two ciggs, and watched the lights on Malabar Hill and the darkness in the Horizon - the very thought of the dark abyss terrifies me.
sitting on the parapet, I laid down, families and kids aound me I dozed of.
was so high, so lonely I slept there and woke in half an hour or so.
imagine.
somehow got up before the police f***** my case and rode my bike home.
why all this loser behaviour.
well sometimes one cannot erase memories.
lol.
actually laughing my crazy ass out.
but then....
Too Much Love Would Kill You Everytime.......
lol.

whatever.
I now really need a cigg:-(